I have been chastised

I have been chastised,
Verbally taken to task for a crime that I try not to commit.
I want to write the joy of life, really I do.
but what i see when I look is that my sorrow bleeds well on the page.
They try to tell you not to drive drunk or mad,
Have they tried keeping a smile as dreams fall from a second story window?
I tried, really I did.
Tried to keep my sorrow from mixing with the ink.
But there you still are, standing in a frame on my desk, blues and greens, shades of shadows.
I wish I still remembered how it was that you loved me so long ago.
It was so pure, a boy and a girl, holding hands in the park or sitting watching the stars.
I miss what I remember, you have forgotten me,
We were both so young, and I forgot what it was to cry for a moment and as the days went by we laughed. You were my beautiful friend in a black dress. Hair so gentle, skin so soft to the touch. eyes that pulled me to pieces, letting me be fragile once again.
As long as I cannot wring joy from my fingertips, I will write for you.
And publish books you will never see.