Christmas time

Just a few years back christmas was diffrent to me,
it was candle lit and warm, rich in colors and the friends I had from church
every christmas eve we lit candles, sang songs and reveled in the mystery of it
followed by early waking on New Years eve morning to pray for peace, share breakfast, and our hopes and dreams for the new year. In all honesty I miss it. There are some traditions that can be kept, spending time with my family on Christmas Eve, the annual trek around town to see my family the day of Christmas. Bundling so I can go to see my grandma and grandpa, headed to my dads to spent time with him on his birthday and see my step mom, and sometimes, in the past few years, go and see my best friends kids and spend some time with them. Holidays are far from the traditional meaning of a day off, always a day I do not have to work, but hardly a day I do not have a full plate of things to do. As of late however, things have just not been the same. No Christmas eve programs to attend, no 2 weeks full of Church stuff to do almost every day, as always the family things remain, but it hardly seems the same anymore. There are presents, and boxes and bows, some of the same music is there, but somehow it has lost much of its magic for me. Maybe it is because I have not had kids, so it is not their time yet, but in a lot of ways Christmas is feeling colder this year. Another Christmas, another day older, not much has changed.
Sometimes traditions have lived far beyond their original meaning and purpose, but we live them just the same. I never have celebrated Christmas as the birth of a savior, because I do not feel I need saving. But, somewhere in my mind I realise the value of the birth of hope, the birth of an idea that 2000 years later is still found missing at times. I want my Christmas eve service back, with all the trimmings and people I knew and loved. But try as I might to bring it back, it seems things have changed. I was once told by a counselor of mine that the reason that trditions were so important to me was that I knew that no matter what the years brought some things would remain the same. The Buddha once taught, Life is suffering, and the reason we suffer is attachment to the things of life. I guess the years are harder because the past has meant so much to me. I know it's not about the things of Christmas, afterall, if it were that would mean that once things are gone, it would leave no meaning to Christmas at all. I miss my traditions, and hope that maybe this year I can create some new ones.
I hope that this year brings all the joy you seek, and all the love you are after.
Namaste